wanna go halves on a baby?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
