and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
