that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
