ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think my moral compass just broke
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize