Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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