Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
