My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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