I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Send help, water and tortillas.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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