U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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