just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
