How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
