uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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