I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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