Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
