Is it normal to miss your booty call?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
