also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
