we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
