You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
