Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
