One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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