Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize