Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
