nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
