how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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