been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
