I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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