I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
