i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
