did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
