at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
