Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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