2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
