Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
