When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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