If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
