stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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