I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
