I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
