remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
