That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize