I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
