When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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