Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
