ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
