I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i think my cat just said my name.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
