Little spoons don't ask big questions
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
