so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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