Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize