a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
