my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize