we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
