I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
