becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
