it hurts more in the daytime
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
