Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Everyone says I win the strip club
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
