So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
