She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
