Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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