All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
