why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
