I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I didn't notice because vodka
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
