I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
