Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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