forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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