Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
