all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The struggles of a small town man whore
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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