he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
