Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
sarcasm needs its own font
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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