Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
