Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
