really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize