yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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