Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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