now i know why i became what i already was.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
