i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
