Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
