I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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