I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize