and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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