Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
