do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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