my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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