Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
