My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We named our party play list daddy issues
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
