I never want to see another naked old woman again.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
