She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
