Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
