Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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