left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize