I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Panties = found
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
