I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize