Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
