yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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