Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
