My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
