I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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