and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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