I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
