We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
