Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
