woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
